About Me

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God has our backs in the most majestic and magnificent ways

God has my back.

This is something disease is teaching me at a depth and reality I never anticipated. With my health being somewhat of a blind roller coaster, I have found myself facing anxiety like never before on top of increased physical ailments that accompany my diseases.

But Heavenly Father gave me a gift.

A way I’ve been able to manage fear and calm my mind and body. A way I’ve found peace and strength to move forward.

As of late, Heavenly Father has shown me He will take care of me. In multiple moments of suffering I’ve pleaded in prayer and reached for Him He’s given me ideas that I know aren’t mine, to help. He’s blessed me with peace and a wrapping up in his love. He has helped me see His hand is in my life. He has helped me trust whatever happens, everything will be ok because He sees me and knows what is happening.

God is all knowing – omniscient.

God is all powerful – omnipotent.

God is present everywhere through His spirit – omnipresent.

And through His son, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, and angels seen and unseen He provides.

I know it.

Because it’s happened over and over. And I feel myself slowly healing in different ways than expected. He knows what needs healing. He is able to use our trials and struggles to turn them into our greatest teaching moments.

God has our backs in the most majestic and magnificent ways.

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Enjoy the journey … Embrace the struggle …  The obstacle is the way … Find joy in the climb … Just keep swimming …

But I have found myself lacking in ability to enjoy and embrace the daily dips of difficulty. 

The wear and tear can be so discouraging. 

It hit me during our Easter message at church when the speaker said something like:

 “what we are really celebrating at Easter is THE PROCESS.” 

The process through which Jesus Christ put into action Heavenly Father’s plan of redemption, exaltation and eternal life. The process through which Jesus Christ won the fight. 

And also the process of me becoming like Him. 

How can I celebrate the process more?

My regard for the process, I find, often isn’t celebratory.

My regard turns to frustration for my weakness, my failures, my slip-ups, my blunders, my repetitive behaviors I strive to change, overall my lack of progress. 

How do I celebrate the process? What does it look like?

Celebrate is such a positive, cheerful word. How do I stay positive and cheerful when the process feels unrelenting and so discouraging?

I realized while on our traditional Sunday family walk on Easter how often children emulate this. 

They just keep trying. 

My daughter found a bunch of pinecones and wanted to pick them all up. She kept picking them up with her right hand, then cradling the pinecones gently in her left arm. Eventually, her tiny arms were so full that as she would bend to pick up another, a cradled pinecone would fall down to the rocks. She kept picking up the fallen pinecones, just to have more fall.  I finally started recording her on my phone because she just kept quietly going and going, repeating the process. 

But she finally did it. 

She was able to cradle them all in her arms.

And then she walked and walked and walked, holding all the pinecones.

“I did it!” she said.

Until she dropped one. She asked me for help to hold a pinecone while she picked up the dropped one. Then readily accepted it back. She kept walking with determination.

Then she saw her dad and picked up speed as she focused on getting to him to show him the pinecones.

But slowly she started grunting, her grip slipping, she slowed her steps, paused to take deep breaths and said, “It’s so heavy.”

Then she made it to dad, and she handed all the pinecones over to him. With excitement and joy she kept the biggest one to hold herself.

What she reminded me was that THE PROCESS of going after a goal doesn’t always appear successful right away. The PROCESS is messy.

She reminded me that the adaptation, the change, the stretching of our brain to find a way that works is what THE PROCESS is all about. The PROCESS takes time.

She reminded me that it takes repeating THE PROCESS to make it work.
She reminded me we will drop pinecones. It’s ok. Ask for help. Relief and support is there. Keep going. Keep our eye on the biggest goal- our Father. It will get harder. Take deep breaths. Pause. Keep taking one step at a time.

She reminded me that:

-Patience

-Courage to keep going

-Commitment

-Compassion for ourselves

-Believing we are capable

-and Humility with the time it takes

during THE PROCESS

……. is a way to CELEBRATE THE PROCESS. 

So what if I celebrated the process?

What would change?

I think I would be able to remember that all those shortcomings ARE the process. All those fallen pinecones are the success of the process. 

In celebrating the process, it seems the sustainability of efforts, just like my daughter – would be more likely. 

My outlook through the process would feel more productive, more focused, more ready to tackle whatever comes. 

It seems that through celebrating the process I would be leaning into the struggles and accepting them for what they truly are… not something to be defeated about, but something to find gratitude in. 

With a need to exercise the patience, courage, commitment, and humility it takes to get through the process I am becoming. I’m growing. I’m expanding. I’m becoming better. 

And yes isn’t that goal the end prize, but what we become while attaining that goal is what holds more eternal value.  And where we can end up when our eyes are focused on our Father brings the greatest joy of all.

And oh how grateful I am for my Savior, Jesus Christ, in performing the process so I can receive that relief and support through my own process. 

Let’s celebrate the process.

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The beauty of our unintentional simplified Christmas

Christmas morning 2021

Can you guess who ISN’T sick?

Our Christmas break hasn’t gone as planned. 

….Canceled our surprise gift to the boys- a fun vacation Dec 21-24. 

….Canceled our plans to go visit extended family Dec 26-29. 

…..While our boys were playing sardines inside, they found a certain stash of presents from a certain someone. Luckily they were already wrapped, but still…..

…..The disappointment, worry, and exhaustion from little sleep and taking care of sick kids.

Let’s just say it started to weigh on me. 

During one of my little girls naps I laid down to try to catch up on sleep and just have a couple minutes to process through all my emotions. As I lay there crying, my sweet 5 year old boy quietly came into my room and whispered, “love you mom, love you a 100 meters.”

As a very needed smile spread across my face, my focus was immediately realigned as my heart swelled with that deep mama love. 

He didn’t know yet about all the canceled plans but he did remind me of what mattered. 

My focus had shifted to the stuff. 

What matters?

  • That pure love I felt from my little boy. 
  • The happiness I felt from my little boy both in his heart and what he helped me feel in my own heart with a refocus. 
  • The real meaning of Christmas. 

“The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” – President Russell M Nelson

Life throws new circumstances at us regularly. I’m learning that focusing is a daily grind. It’s a daily endeavor of bringing back our thoughts to what really matters. And what really matters is what really brings joy. 

Vacations are fun and memorable, but it’s not what matters. 

The new toys and gadgets are fun, but it’s not what matters. 

So I’ve found a beauty in our unintentional simplified Christmas.  

And I’m so grateful I have my tiny teacher to help me remember and relearn again and again that what I make matter by my daily focus will determine my level of happiness.

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To my little, Evie girl


From the moment I knew you were growing inside me, you have been a vessel to tutor me in learning and progressing, overcoming and becoming more of who I am meant to be. 

The decision to have you was not even a question once I received such a clear answer from God that you were waiting to come to us. Yes, that decision was easy because I have full trust in God and I know not to lean unto my own understanding. I know God knows what is best for our family and me and I will follow what He says.


However, although that decision was easy, it came with immense fear and doubt as to how I would be able to do it. As you know getting your last brother here was full of difficult, painful, long days on bed rest and an intense traumatic and medically scary entrance into this world. That was followed by a very long, life changing recovery both physically and mentally.


So while taking the pregnancy test to find out if you were already with me, my heart was pounding. I set a timer for 2 minutes and I prayed hard for those 2 minutes without even glancing at the stick. My prayer sounded a little like this, “Heavenly Father I know that Thou wants me to do this, but I am terrified. I’m so scared. I have so much fear. I thought I was healed from the trauma but I am not because there is such deep, overpowering fear in getting pregnant again. I know Thou wants me to do this, but how am I supposed to do it? 
Please help me. 
Comfort me. 
Guide me. “
Slowly as I was pleading and pouring my heart to Heavenly Father, peace and a soft contentment started filling my heart. I found myself saying right before the timer went off, “Ok if it is Thy will Father, Thy will be done. Thou knows better than me and if this is Thy way, I accept it. Even if I am supposed to die in bringing this little child to the world.
ok. 
Thy will be done, Lord.”
The timer went off, with peace so real it felt tangible and somehow my bathroom felt and looked even lighter. I looked over. 

Positive.

I learned a powerful lesson of aligning my will with Gods because of you my darling little gi


It was a beautiful thing that happened. I realized that I probably wasn’t going to die but I learned to fully lean into God’s will and acknowledge that His path and plans for me are truly far greater and going to provide far more learning than my “safe” plans are. 
And because of me leaning completely to God, My fear was completely swallowed up….

And then my whole perspective changed.

In bringing you to earth, I am aiding in God’s work by helping YOU progress to YOUR eternal life because getting a body is a crucial step for YOU. Having that bigger picture as my mindset, completely changed how I looked at having you. I felt completely honored to be the one to bring you here. And although, throughout my pregnancy with you, fear kept showing up, leaning on God helped me keep going and remember you and what you needed.

My sweet, Evelyn. You have purpose. You have meaning.  You have such a beautiful life ahead of you. You have filled our souls with such an elegant love. I sit in awe at your ability to turn a frown upside down. I’m amazed at how quickly you rush to the aide of those who are sad and you are only 18 months old. Your heart is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed on this earth. You are a pure, sweet shining beacon and you have brightened our home and each of our lives.

Thank you for waiting for me to choose to have you. Thank you for being willing to come to a mom who is still learning. Thank you for being a willing tutor to me. Thank you for being the warm sunshine I didn’t even realize I was missing. I am more complete with you. I truly adore you my dear girl.

With all my love, your mama


“If we do what’s right we have no need to fear for the Lord our helper will ever be near.”
 

Let Us All Press On, Hymn 243

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As parents we want to raise our children to be stalwart people, right?

As parents we want to raise our children to be stalwart people, right?

Good members of society.

Full of love and ready and willing to serve.

Patient and understanding of others.

Honest in their dealings with others.

Kind and giving.

Humble and teachable.

Hard working and persevering.

Goal getters and dream chasers.

Choosers of happiness and those who find and focus on the good around them. 

Well as much as I try to teach my children and lead by example, I fall short often. And probably unfortunately by my weaknesses and short comings I’m teaching them some things I wish I didn’t. 

The fantastic news is we’ve got a back up!

We have someone who does teach all of this. Someone who can be the example they can look to in all these qualities and characteristics.

And not only that, but someone who will be there for them always. Someone who will uplift and love when I’m not there or don’t understand them completely. There is someone who is always ready and willing to serve, patient, honest, kind, giving, humble, teachable, hard working, persevering, a goal getter, a dream chaser, a chooser of happiness and someone who finds and focuses on the good around them. 

And that is one reason I find joy in teaching my children about Jesus Christ. 

Because where I lack, Jesus provides. 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/image/pictures-of-jesus-with-a-child-8fd3614?lang=eng&collectionId=3cbf78e787498a07417814a31656063f9227b4c6

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Gratitude has gotten me through darkest times in my life.

The truth is, life is not easy.

I will share my whole story another time but the sweetened, condensed story is I have found myself in some deep, dark, overwhelming times. I’m sure you have to, its part of our earthly experience. And I continue to face some hard, hard stuff.

As I have looked back on times of struggle, and see the struggles I face today, I notice one thing that truly has determined whether my struggle lasts for longer periods of times and whether the struggles tear me down to complete misery or not.

As cliche as it sounds, it’s GRATITUDE.

I learned to start looking at things a different way. I am not perfect at it and have to check myself and find gratitude in new situations and circumstances daily. I have to consistently remind myself and repeat it in my head often. 

But I have found,

“There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious. We can be grateful.”

Elder Dieter F. Utchdorf, “Grateful in Any Circumstance,”Ensign, May 2014, 70.

I have tried HARD to develop the skill of turning my mindset/thoughts to gratitude. Frankly, I’m still working on it. But, it’s the secret sauce to stronger mental health and overall happiness in my life. I have also found power in asking myself questions to just dive deeper into why I have been having negative thoughts and how I could turn them around to gratitude more.

It seemed kind of silly when I started reframing my thoughts. But this is what I do: anytime a negative thought pops up, search for any good or gratitude that can be found in the situation.

🚫Ugh its dinner time again. I don’t have the energy to cook.

➡️ I love my family. We have food to feed their bellies, money to provide this food, and I have the time to serve and nurture the people who are dearest to me.

🚫I just spent time making dinner and I don’t want to do the dishes. 

➡️ Dirty dishes means a fed family. I have the ease of a dishwasher and a home to care for my family. 

🚫Can’t anyone actually load their dish in the dishwasher or wash it off or even put it in the sink ??!

➡️I’m so grateful my boys have time to play with each other. Looks like I need to teach my kids some better habits.  

🚫 Can’t my husband see I’m over here slaving away all by myself while he’s just sitting on the couch? 

➡️ I have a husband that works to provide for our family and it must be a lot of weight on his shoulders. It’s good he can take a little break and rest after a long day of work. 

🚫 I just cleaned that!

➡️ We have a safe and homey space to provide security and shelter for our children.  My children are active and that would be a great thing I can teach them to start to clean it up themselves?

This is just to do with housework! When applied to self image, finances, marriage, child relationships, work, church responsibilities/callings, exercise… you name it- that’s when the sweetness comes. It’s remarkable how our brain knows how to adjust and start noticing what we tell it to notice. (Our Reticular Activating System in our brain)

Gratitude really does make life glorious.

Since President Russell M Nelson’s challenge of posting more about #givethanks back in November, I have found yet again a beautiful change in my heart. I have found myself in prayer to God in tears of gratitude for my life and for all the things that matter to me most. It’s been such a beautiful happening I have seen. In the past there have been times where my gratitude has brought me to my heart overflowing with being so full joy and wholeness, but lately it has been happening more and it’s one of the most beautiful things. To feel that kind of overflowing regularly makes life rich, fulfilling and meaningful.

I’m realizing that by slowing down, taking time to recognize and thank God for who and what’s in my life, and taking time to feel the emotions those blessings bring to my being can transform hearts and minds to feel joy even among the pain and hurt that will be present in life. And it will be present regardless of what is going on around you.

Im also realizing that this is a practice! Meaning, if I don’t do it, I lose it. It’s has to be a daily focus.

Our earth life is not the beginning nor is it the end. This earth life is our probationary state where we are to learn and grow. Learning, growing and refining comes with pressure, pain, and trials in all sorts of shapes and sizes. The sooner I can through gratitude recognize that difficulty is meant for growth, the sooner I feel access to power beyond my own- to Jesus Christ and his healing hand, His constant comfort, His understanding and succoring.

So if you are going through one of those dark times, or if your dark time has been going on for a long time; know you are not alone in being there and you are not alone while there. God knows and through Jesus Christ’s atonement He can lift you.

Sending you love,

Stephanie

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Where it all began…

My first boy was around 2 years old and it was nap time. After reading his favorite book, I turned the lights off, closed the blinds, tucked him in with his favorite blue blanket, and sat on the carpet next to his little toddler bed. He loved me to sing to him so I started singing, “I Am a Child of God.”

Switching the words up a bit, I sang TO him by changing “I” to “You” but keeping the chorus as written… 

[You] are a child of God, 

And He has sent [you] here. 

Has given [you] an earthly home,  

With parents kind and dear. 

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me

Help me find the way. 

Teach me all that I must do,

To live with him someday.

Tears began falling with warmth and peace rushing into my heart as a huge realization sank in. I knew then and there, that if I had my heart, mind, and eyes open and ready to receive, there were many lessons to be learned from my son. My son would be the one leading me and guiding me. He would help ME find the way and teach ME what I needed to do to live with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and our family forever someday. 

And that is where My Tiny Teachers began.

As I watched my first boy grow I noticed these precious ones are like little buckets of divine wisdom spilling out wherever they go. I started to record these lessons as best I could remember and I thought why not share them! Not because I have this whole mothering thing figured out, but by sharing, it will help me remember and implement all these lessons taught by my tiny teachers.

Now my husband and I have welcomed four more amazing children into our family. We have been blessed with four boys ages 12, 9, 8, and 4 and one darling little 10 month old girl.

It amazes me that I continue to learn from them by who they are and also from the process of parenting them.

Each day I understand a little more of why we are taught in the scriptures to,

“… becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

Book of Mormon, Mosiah 3:19

So my husband and I may be parenting our children,

but they are the ones raising me up and allowing me to become more.