….Canceled our surprise gift to the boys- a fun vacation Dec 21-24.
….Canceled our plans to go visit extended family Dec 26-29.
…..While our boys were playing sardines inside, they found a certain stash of presents from a certain someone. Luckily they were already wrapped, but still…..
…..The disappointment, worry, and exhaustion from little sleep and taking care of sick kids.
Let’s just say it started to weigh on me.
During one of my little girls naps I laid down to try to catch up on sleep and just have a couple minutes to process through all my emotions. As I lay there crying, my sweet 5 year old boy quietly came into my room and whispered,“love you mom, love you a 100 meters.”
As a very needed smile spread across my face, my focus was immediately realigned as my heart swelled with that deep mama love.
He didn’t know yet about all the canceled plans but he did remind me of what mattered.
My focus had shifted to the stuff.
What matters?
That pure love I felt from my little boy.
The happiness I felt from my little boy both in his heart and what he helped me feel in my own heart with a refocus.
The real meaning of Christmas.
“The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” – President Russell M Nelson
Life throws new circumstances at us regularly. I’m learning that focusing is a daily grind. It’s a daily endeavor of bringing back our thoughts to what really matters. And what really matters is what really brings joy.
Vacations are fun and memorable, but it’s not what matters.
The new toys and gadgets are fun, but it’s not what matters.
So I’ve found a beauty in our unintentional simplified Christmas.
And I’m so grateful I have my tiny teacher to help me remember and relearn again and again that what I make matter by my daily focus will determine my level of happiness.
I will share my whole story another time but the sweetened, condensed story is I have found myself in some deep, dark, overwhelming times. I’m sure you have to, its part of our earthly experience. And I continue to face some hard, hard stuff.
As I have looked back on times of struggle, and see the struggles I face today, I notice one thing that truly has determined whether my struggle lasts for longer periods of times and whether the struggles tear me down to complete misery or not.
As cliche as it sounds, it’s GRATITUDE.
I learned to start looking at things a different way. I am not perfect at it and have to check myself and find gratitude in new situations and circumstances daily. I have to consistently remind myself and repeat it in my head often.
But I have found,
“There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious. We can be grateful.”
Elder Dieter F. Utchdorf, “Grateful in Any Circumstance,”Ensign, May 2014, 70.
I have tried HARD to develop the skill of turning my mindset/thoughts to gratitude. Frankly, I’m still working on it. But, it’s the secret sauce to stronger mental health and overall happiness in my life. I have also found power in asking myself questions to just dive deeper into why I have been having negative thoughts and how I could turn them around to gratitude more.
It seemed kind of silly when I started reframing my thoughts. But this is what I do: anytime a negative thought pops up, search for any good or gratitude that can be found in the situation.
Ugh its dinner time again. I don’t have the energy to cook.
➡️ I love my family. We have food to feed their bellies, money to provide this food, and I have the time to serve and nurture the people who are dearest to me.
I just spent time making dinner and I don’t want to do the dishes.
➡️ Dirty dishes means a fed family. I have the ease of a dishwasher and a home to care for my family.
Can’t anyone actually load their dish in the dishwasher or wash it off or even put it in the sink ??!
➡️I’m so grateful my boys have time to play with each other. Looks like I need to teach my kids some better habits.
Can’t my husband see I’m over here slaving away all by myself while he’s just sitting on the couch?
➡️ I have a husband that works to provide for our family and it must be a lot of weight on his shoulders. It’s good he can take a little break and rest after a long day of work.
I just cleaned that!
➡️ We have a safe and homey space to provide security and shelter for our children. My children are active and that would be a great thing I can teach them to start to clean it up themselves?
This is just to do with housework! When applied to self image, finances, marriage, child relationships, work, church responsibilities/callings, exercise… you name it- that’s when the sweetness comes. It’s remarkable how our brain knows how to adjust and start noticing what we tell it to notice. (Our Reticular Activating System in our brain)
Gratitude really does make life glorious.
Since President Russell M Nelson’s challenge of posting more about #givethanks back in November, I have found yet again a beautiful change in my heart. I have found myself in prayer to God in tears of gratitude for my life and for all the things that matter to me most. It’s been such a beautiful happening I have seen. In the past there have been times where my gratitude has brought me to my heart overflowing with being so full joy and wholeness, but lately it has been happening more and it’s one of the most beautiful things. To feel that kind of overflowing regularly makes life rich, fulfilling and meaningful.
I’m realizing that by slowing down, taking time to recognize and thank God for who and what’s in my life, and taking time to feel the emotions those blessings bring to my being can transform hearts and minds to feel joy even among the pain and hurt that will be present in life. And it will be present regardless of what is going on around you.
Im also realizing that this is a practice! Meaning, if I don’t do it, I lose it. It’s has to be a daily focus.
Our earth life is not the beginning nor is it the end. This earth life is our probationary state where we are to learn and grow. Learning, growing and refining comes with pressure, pain, and trials in all sorts of shapes and sizes. The sooner I can through gratitude recognize that difficulty is meant for growth, the sooner I feel access to power beyond my own- to Jesus Christ and his healing hand, His constant comfort, His understanding and succoring.
So if you are going through one of those dark times, or if your dark time has been going on for a long time; know you are not alone in being there and you are not alone while there. God knows and through Jesus Christ’s atonement He can lift you.
